Tag Archives: mouthwash

Season One, Episode Nine – ‘The Turtle And The Hare’

About halfway through this episode, a truly horrible thought entered my mind. Was I like Carrie Bradshaw? The similarities are endless – we both wander around our bedrooms looking vaguely miserable, we both know someone with the nickname ‘Big’ (her ‘Mr Big’, and me ‘Big John) and we both earnestly stare at our laptops whilst asking stupidly mundane questions. I lack her self awareness though, as she did muse ‘we looked like the Witches of Eastwick,’ whilst at a wedding, so well done to her.

The turtle and the hare in the title, are references to a character called ‘Turtle’, and the infamous ‘Rampant Rabbit’ vibrator which gets discussed a lot in this episode. ‘Turtle’ is not unfortunately the great character of the same name in ‘Entourage,’ but rather a geeky, balding idiot with bad breath. A bit of advice to him if I may – don’t use ‘Dentyl’ mouthwash, it’s utter rubbish – Listerine is the heroes choice of Mouthwash, especially considering the gorgeous burning sensation it gives, you feel like you’ve been cleaned fully.

One of the main questions asked, is that of ‘Is it better to marry someone who loves you more than you love them?” An interesting question for once, and one that requires me to think a great deal. For me personally, the idea of someone going out with someone who they don’t really like that much, is what is destroying the whole idea of romance, and what makes everybody so downhearted on relationships. Surely it’s better for everybody if you just do what you want – if you just want to have sex with someone, hey – be ‘friends with benefits,’ or whatever it’s called nowadays. Don’t put pressure on you, or the other person by putting the banner of a ‘relationship’ around you – because if you can’t deal with it, then you shouldn’t be together anyway!

The rabbit of course, was referring to the vibrator. It’s a shame for me that I watched ‘Watership Down’ the other day, as all I could think of when they were discussing the pleasure it gave them, was ‘Bright Eyes,’ by Art Garfunkel, the video of course showing Hazel’s unfortunate, and untimely death.

Gay Stamford and Carrie discussed getting married. Now, I’ve got nothing against bald folk, in fact some bald lads can look proper manly, but the mugs going bald who keep hair around the sides of their head when the hair on top has all gone, deserve to be culled. Seriously guys, who are you trying to kid? Carrie decided she wanted a family – perhaps she could join The Addams Family, and a marriage – after Big had informed her that he didn’t want to get married again, after his horror show of a marriage with someone else. However, at the end (and rather disgustingly after Carrie was smoking in the bedroom,) Carrie managed to convince him that hey, maybe getting hitched wasn’t that bad an idea. Has she never seen an episode of Eastenders?

Mugs, everyone.


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