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Season One, Episode Eleven – ‘The Drought’

The penultimate episode of Season One then, as I near the end of one of the worst series of television shows I’ve seen since I tried watching Lost but gave up when it was clear that no-one had a fucking clue as to how structure a television series.

We kicked off with Carrie fretting as she had not had sex with Big for a while and was simply sleeping with him instead. She was concerned that this was due to her farting in front of him, but she simply shouldn’t concern herself with thoughts like that. Her best course of action would be to worry about her poisonous personality, her frankly stupid hair, and her gluttonous face. All of those reasons would make sense as to why she wasn’t getting laid.

One of the many problems with Carrie is that she’s too scared of acting all natural around him, even though she feels that she’s falling in love with him. I realise in every episode review I give fairly awful advice to women, but come on girls! Be yourself! If someone won’t love you for who you are, they don’t really love you at all!

This episode mainly centered on sex and no-one really getting any. Samantha was flirting with her yoga teacher who was celibate. Yoga really fascinates me as an art and as a technique to clear my soul, but I’ve never done it. I have harrowing images of me entering some crap Fitness First gym, wearing a pair of shorts and attempting to contort myself into odd positions whilst a bunch of middle aged bunny boilers stare at my arse with hungry eyes.

Is sex that important in a relationship? It was to Charlotte who showed off her new boyfriend to Carrie before being told that her new man and Carrie had previously dated. This man was apparently a sexual deviant, a maniac, but in the bedroom with Charlotte he stiffened – and not in a good way. Gone was the sex crazed guy, and in his place was a calm relaxed manner, aided by Prozac, or as I know it ‘the pill of the useless’.

What I struggle to deal with watching this, is all four of the women striving for perfection but without focusing on any of their weaknesses. Take Miranda, apparently not having sex for three months and realising why. She should try looking in the mirror and having a flash of inspiration that wearing dowdy clothes and being a cynical old hag don’t make people want to have sex with you, it makes them want you to fuck off back to the courtroom.

Carrie was irate when she went round to Big’s but he ignored her in favour of boxing. A lot of people dislike boxing, proclaiming it to be a violent sport and completely disgusting and yeah it is to a certain extent, but there is genuine poetry within the brutality. It’s a sport that involves gladiatorial battles not seen since the days of the Romans. A beautiful symphony of mind, body and soul resonate around the boxing ring as two men stand toe to toe each knowing what they need to do to win the battle. Yeah, it can be savage, but then so can driving a car, masturbating in a bush of throwing conkers at squirrels. Life is fraught with so called danger, it’s just a matter of ignoring that and getting on with things.

We ended with Big apologising to Carrie and Samantha fucking a stranger. Good to know that some things never change.

Miranda also wore a pair of dungarees. And ginger people wonder why they’re hated by everyone. Amazing.


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