Series three then, over and out. I was going to talk about the highs and lows, the jubilation and the despair, but I’m in a good mood following Jenson Button’s forth Formula One victory of the season, and Phil Mitchell’s return to alcoholism in Eastenders. Whoever said that laughing at people is wrong, was clearly a mug.
We started this episode with Carrie being awoken by the sound of cocks, and not for the first time I imagine. This time though, it was the crowing of roosters which had been left outside her apartment. Samantha was having similar problems, as she kept being woken up by the transsexuals who loitered outside her place in the early hours of the morning. For once, I knew exactly how she was feeling – some of the grotesque creatures who appear at my university wearing all sorts of ridiculous clothing really get to me, especially when I’m stuck in a lift with ten idiots sporting cowboy hats, ironic t-shirts, and hair straighteners.
Charlotte spends the majority of time pining for Trey, and I can’t see much wrong with that. I don’t have a problem with people missing someone they’re not with any more, as long as you don’t bore everyone with your woe, a healthy degree of obsession can be pretty good. It all worked out for Charlotte anyway, as Trey came storming down to her place, and finally gave her the fucking she deserved. Whether or not this means that they’re back together or not is beyond me – in Sex And The City land two people having decent sex usually ends up with a lot of regret and misery.
Miranda worried if she was stuck in a rut, especially when she rang up her local Chinese takeaway and the girl on the other line giggled as she finished Miranda’s order before Miranda could finish. Pretty embarrassing that – personally I’ve stopped eating Chinese food, because it reminds me a little bit too much of women. Too expensive, too unhealthy and a little bit too greasy. My feelings of nausea soon turned to unbridled joy as Carrie and Miranda strolling down a road suddenly saw Aidan and… STEVE sitting around chatting with each other, stroking their dogs and enjoying the sunshine.
The feeling of amazement went up a notch when out of nowhere two beautiful ladies came and sat next to Aidan and Steve, and Miranda and Carrie realised that the two men had moved on – and moved on in spectacular fashion. I’m a big fan of awkward moments, and looking at those two ghastly creatures wondering what to do was a picture. My face almost exploded with the gleeful smile I had. I even overlooked Steve’s Hawaiian shirt, such was my fantastic mood. Probably my favourite moment of the show so far.
This made Carrie have a small crisis, and made her think whether it was true that she obsessed over men so much. “It’s so much easier for men to move on” a slapper said, and my good mood evaporated. What a load of bollocks, yet another myth perpetrated by women to make men seem emotionless and empty. And then something reMARTable happened. Her thinking continued, and eventually she struck gold. “What if everything isn’t the mans fault?” she said. “Maybe the problem is us!” About fucking time! At the end of the last episode I had a small moan about how women were selfish idiots, but maybe I was wrong all along! Maybe the penny finally dropped!
…Or maybe not, as Big rang up Carrie and arranged a lunch date. Some people just never learn do they? Good on Miranda for once, she protested to Carrie that it was a bad mistake, and whilst I felt like disagreeing with her for the sake of it, I had to give her that point. Something that Carrie failed to do, as her and Miranda became embroiled in an argument where Miranda was reminded about how she got rid of Steve because she can’t deal with imperfections in people. Which for a ginger lawyer, is one of the most hypocritical things I can think of. Like a fit Scouser. I struggled to pick a side to see who was right, it’s like supporting the Israelis and the Palestinians – either way you’re gonna get bombed. Perhaps a fight to the death between the two of them, with the winner getting written out of the show would have been best.
After the argument Miranda couldn’t stop thinking about Steve. Hopefully that’s a lesson to all women who let go great guys just because they can’t deal with being someone who isn’t like someone else – ie, an unemotional arsehole. You can’t treat someone like utter rubbish and expect that you’ll feel alright about it when you find out that they’ve moved on and you haven’t can you? You’ll just pine and worry, and go to phone them about five times a day, never actually making the call. I’m genuinely glad Miranda realised that, and whilst Steve deserves better, their reconciliation over a Chinese meal was at least a little bit nice.
As for Carrie and Big, they ended up getting very wet. Damp. Moist and shivering as they both fell into a lake after a botched attempted kiss by the Big man. As they dried off in his bedroom, one of them – can’t remember which as dickheads all look the same to me, remarked that their relationship was a good idea in theory, but it just didn’t work. I know what they mean, but sometimes you’re surprised. I was on the Tube yesterday, and two events really stood out. Firstly, I was sat opposite a bald man and his girlfriend, and due to the heat of the day his forehead was bristling with sweat. His missus lovingly wiped the sweat from his bulbous forehead with a napkin, and they looked very loving. On my way back from work (on the Picadilly line to Covent Garden fact fans) I saw a middle aged couple looking absolutely miserable. They had just come back from holiday, suitcases on their knees and complete miserableness on their worn out faces. Where had the love gone? No relevance, but things like that really depress me. As does racism. And Liverpool.
The season ended with all the girls having a party on a roof somewhere enjoying themselves. I wish I could say the same for me, but I’ve just realised that I’ve only got one Granny Smith apple left, and that my friends is a disaster. Still though, I’ve got three more seasons of this fantastic show to get through! Woooooooooo! Sorry for the extended review today – this was the longest episode of the show so far in more ways than one, and you have no idea how much I’m praying that there are no hour long special editions of the show, as that might be too much for even me to take. As a reward, have a random YouTube video of a baby elephant, and thanks for reading this rubbish.