I wrote down ‘omelette’ on my notes, and I’m only including this because I don’t like going straight into a review. I prefer to let the first paragraph breathe without the confines of having to talk about the show, or me trying to compare one of them to a historical period. I mean, you could just about stretch to saying that Carrie is like Stalin – both curly haired, bushy moustached and nauseating, but that’d be ridiculous. Plus Stalin looked amazing in fur.
Miranda doesn’t look amazing in anything unfortunately, especially during a speed dating session, as she was desperately searching for someone to take to Charlotte’s wedding. Imagine the disappointment at going to one of those speed dates, and you end up with her. Just the thought of her bores me. Sometimes I wonder whether my thoughts on Miranda and my constant slagging her off is like the kid at primary school calling a girl names when he really likes her, but then I remember that I’m straight. Also, that I dislike liars, which I was reminded of when Miranda pretended she was a stewardess to liven things up. At the risk of a High Fidelity ‘top five dream jobs’ occurring, I just want you all to know that being a stewardess is currently 346th in my ideal jobs list, one below ‘Iceman.’
Speaking of top fives, a bearded Scotsman in this episode made me think of my top five Scots. How could I pick a mere five from such a disgusting, illiterate race? Maybe Begbie in ‘Trainspotting’ at a push, but isn’t Robert Carlyle from Sheffield or some northern backwater like that? I’m joking of course, I’ve got nothing against Scotland – it’s the scousers I hate. Calm down. I mentioned the Scots guy anyway, because Samantha ended up gobbling up his haggis, and I don’t think there will be any other references to her in this episode.
Carrie is torn about telling Aidan all the stuff about her and Big. Some pathetic slag piped up with a comment that Men lie about this stuff all the time!” Well, it doesn’t make it right does it? If you can’t be with someone for a month without cheating on them, then you don’t deserve a minute of anyone’s time. “Honesty is overrated,” opined Carrie. Just when you think that the rampant egotist couldn’t come out with such a stupid statement, that happens. Oh, but there’s more – “in a relationship is honesty the best policy?” she said, almost pleading with herself that what she was doing was right.
No offence to anyone who is in a relationship that has had cheating involved, be it you’ve cheated on someone, or you’re still with someone who you know has strayed away in the past, but firstly – you’re all cunts. Secondly, arguably you’re not in a relationship at all really are you? I define a relationship as a connection between two people who only care for each other in a romantic way. What the people who stay together despite all the playing away, and all the dodgy dealings have, isn’t a relationship, it’s an utter sham.
Much like Charlotte’s upcoming wedding to whoever this person is. Can’t even remember his name, Earl? Trey? She despairs when she finds out that he’s terrible in bed, when she sleeps with him for the first time, the night before the wedding. Is it really the end of the world? It could be worse anyway – he could be scouse. Although she eventually married him despite a lot of doubt, the way this show is going she’ll probably end up with a small, Jewish bald cunt who takes his clothes off all the time – thus completely challenging her preconceptions of the perfect man. Nah, what am I talking about – that’d never happen.
Every single time Carrie saw Aidan in this episode without telling him about Big, I lost a little bit more faith in the human race. I’m hardly the most moral person in the world, I mean I’d rather be famous than righteous or holy any day, but I like to think I’m above all the lies and deceit. The trouble is, by having morals, and by always striving to do the right thing (despite the bitterness) it means that even if other people are idiots, or friends are difficult, that you can’t quite get the girl you want to be exclusive with you, you just have to suck it up and hope for a better future.
Eventually though, she did tell him and his gorgeous puppy dog face was a picture, as his features crumpled into a blur of disappointment and misery. Fair play to him though, despite a few tears and a long walk he didn’t take her back, instead informing Carrie that “he needed to be alone for a while.” It was quite a sad ending to be honest, and even the sight of Gay Stanford’s shining bald head failed to make me break into a smile. If you’ll all excuse me, I’ve got a fifty nine part documentary on The Holocaust to get through, and a mini pack of Rich Tea biscuits.