I am of the opinion that there is often nothing worse than the sound of someone you don’t like laughing. Closely following this, is someone you don’t like falling in love, and subsequently being so lovey dovey that all they can talk about is the person they’re with – regardless of the glazed look in the eyes of the person they’re boring. Sure, that feeling when you meet someone and it all clicks into place is incredible, and you feel like the best person in the world – but does the whole world really need to know? In the same way I don’t care that you ate some toast last night, I’m also fairly indifferent about how much you like whomever. It was Marmite and butter by the way, and it was fucking lovely.
It’s unfortunate that one of the first words from the mole is “I don’t think I’ve ever been hit this hard..,” although sadly for me she was banging on about the mythical ‘Mr Big’ as opposed to being lamped in the face by anyone. The crux of the episode is that Carrie thinks she’s in a relationship with Big, but sees him out and about with another girl and so becomes jealous. Here’s a tip for her, and women the world over – if you’re unsure about something, JUST FUCKING ASK!
Perhaps more interestingly, it was revealed that Charlotte isn’t a fan of noshing lads off. Not even Ronnie O’ Sullivan would convince her I imagine, and fair play to her – but is a cafe really the best place to talk about things like that? Although it gets annoying on public transport (Specifically London Underground) that when people aren’t desperately trying to avoid eye contact with each other, they’re talking about the most mundane items of conversation ever, I’d much rather that the four middle aged women sitting next to me on the Northern Line to Elephant And Castle are chatting about which prescription drugs are the best to make you forget about life the best, as opposed to discussing various techniques on sucking people off. Time and a place ladies.
Where am I going with this? Bald lad made an appearance today wearing a spectacular pink sweater. Can’t remember what his name is, my head says Stamford, but my heart says Nancy. Miranda ruined ‘Skipper’ (a geeky lad who idolises her for some idiotic reason) from successfully canoodling with another woman, by calling him up as he was ploughing his way through the meadow. Although I find Miranda’s character odious at the best of times, this was a particular low point. The back story to this, is that Skipper loves her, but Miranda is always pushing him away like a racist in a curry house. However, after she sees him wandering around with a lovely lady who works at Vogue, all of a sudden she wants him back in her life. What a load of bollocks – sure you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone, but let people live, no matter how much your heart might be hurting – don’t destroy a relationship to save your own. Unless of course the relationship involves domestic abuse, or lesbians.
Alas, you can’t always get what you want. Charlotte finds a nice guy, but her aforementioned blowjob problems mean that it falls apart at the seams. And fair enough – though it seems odd for such a bitter prick like me to say this, surely life is too short to do things you don’t want to? As the man involved with Charlotte repeatedly forced her head down towards his humble cock, it reminded me of a period of my life that sends shivers down my spine as the pain and shame of the memory surrounded me. GCSE Maths. Eventually there comes a time – usually when you fail it for the third fucking time, that you realise it’s time to put your abacus and chalk away, and realise that perhaps the Pythagoras theory really isn’t for you. And now look at me – reviewing every episode of Sex And The City. Oh fucking dear.
Episode ends, as it always seems to do with Carrie and Big. Are they together, will they, won’t they – it’s a storyline vaguely reminiscent to the Jade Goody soap opera, and hopefully this will have as happy an ending*
*Sorry if I’ve offended anyone**
**Actually get fucked – as if she’s the Princess of Essex – there is only one member of royalty in my beloved homeland, and that’s Queen Jodie Marsh.