Season One, Episode Eight – ‘Three’s A Crowd’

This episode started with Charlotte falling in love with a rubbery faced architect. Is ‘love’ that easy to get? Just seems that every other episode we’re getting one of the four ‘women’ fall in love with someone who turns out to be unsuitable and it’s just getting me ‘down’. Sorry for all the inverted commas, but I’m trying my best to come across as a really big wanker.

This architect asked her what her fantasies were, and she replied with dreams of opening her own art gallery, though he was looking for something more smutty. He implied that he wanted to have a threesome, which she then discussed with the ‘girls’. Samantha said that threesomes were the blow jobs of the nineties, and that anal sex was the blowjobs of the eighties. I wonder what the blow job of the noughties is. I’d like to think it’s strap-ons and gagging, but it’s probably just shame and sensibility.

Carrie suggested that our lives are built on threes, which makes threesomes even more appealing. I’d disagree, I think you can grind life down to two things: black and white. I’m having a giggle, we all know life comes down to one thing and one thing only – being black. I should know, I once watched Shaft.

Miranda annoyed me considerably here, which is proving to be a depressingly reoccurring theme. She whined that no-one wanted to have a threesome with her, which is true, but perhaps she should have examined the reasons as to why that was, rather than moaning to a psychiatrist about her crap life. She only really needs to do three things to make herself more desireable – ditch the corporate suits, dye her hair, and totally reinvent herself as a completely new person. Job done.

Mr Big made an appearance, wearing a deep yellow tie with a royal blue shirt. “Why is it that putting a tie on a mans neck is sometimes more sexy than taking them off?” Carrie mused in a moment of deep philosophical thought to rival David Hume in his pomp. The answer to that question is that ‘it’s only more sexy if you suffer from the same disease that Michael Hutchence and several prominent Tory MP’s suffered from.

Carrie was irked that Big had an ex wife he hadn’t previously told her about, so she decided to track her down, which when you think about it would be a very sensible idea if you were a fucking moron. His ex ended up being a publisher which makes sense in a sinister sort of way, and Carrie managed to wrangle a meeting with her, under the guise of pitching a book, but really just to see what she was like.

The ex proved herself to be a bullshitter immediately when she proclaimed herself to be a fan of Carrie’s work. Even more cynicism shot up through my deep, sensitive eyes as she nodded and smiled as Carrie pitched a kids book about a girl who smoked cigarettes. Reminds me of a children’s book I’m currently trying to sell, about a paedophile going through the menopause whilst working as a dinner lady. It’s called ‘What Would Happen If A Dinner Lady Called Strudel Was Also A Paedophile?’ The sequel is called ‘Mothers Pride – Strudel And The Kids’.

I felt a tad uneasy at the events which unfolded. Samantha was sleeping with a married man, who ended up cutting his relationship up and proclaiming his love for her. In true Samantha style (ie, the actions of a heartless fucking whore) she ran away from the situation. Also running away was Miranda who had responded to an ad in one of the shitty free papers that had been put there by a couple who were interested in a threesome. After getting some self worth when the couple said she’d be perfect, she left them, no doubt giggling to herself as they wondered what on earth they had done wrong.

Disgusting behaviour all round, and puts me in an existential crisis as to whether this is all worth it.


1 Comment

Filed under 1st Season

One response to “Season One, Episode Eight – ‘Three’s A Crowd’

  1. I love that clip so much. Tim’s face is brilliant

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