Season Three, Episode Nine – ‘Easy Come, Easy Go’

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My handwriting is getting progressively more shocking, so if I say anything stupid/sexist/homophobic/ageist/racist/controversial here I’m gonna blame it on not being able to read my silky writing properly. Apparently my handwriting slants to the left, which means I’m cold, indifferent and insane. But then I’m not one of those idiots who diagnose themselves on the internet – oh, you’re bipolar because sometimes you feel upset? Or are you just a whiny attention seeking cunt?

Let’s start with Miranda then if we’re on about whiny cunts. Her and Steve are politely trying to get over the fact they have split up, even though Steve is still staying round hers whilst he looks for a place to live. Miranda still feels emotional over the break up, rationalising that women think more with the left side of their brain, inferring that they’re more emotional than men, and think more emotionally. Brilliant, as if I didn’t have enough meaningless psychological knowledge, there was some more for me to enjoy. Miranda also asked whether it’s smarter for one to use their heart or your head in a romantic situation. Heart, always. In five years time, all your head will be doing if you used that would be telling you how you should have gone for it, where, if you used your heart, at worst you’ll have a little heartbreak that’d be fun to get over.

Carrie is having Big problems again, namely that she keeps bumping into him. Carrie and Aidan meet the Big man and his missus, in a meeting eerily reminiscent of the classic Hulk Hogan vs The Ultimate Warrior bout at Wrestlemania 6 – the irresistible force, meeting the immovable object. No leg drops here though unfortunately, although we did almost find out Big’s real name before Carrie accidently spilt coffee down his trousers. I’d say you can’t make this turgid rubbish up, but some bald cunt wrote this episode and actually thought it was good. Either way, if his real name isn’t Hank or Sebastian, this has all been a massive waste of my time.

The trouble with Carrie though, is that she can’t stop thinking about Big. Interesting isn’t it, the games ex’s play. You spend so much time with someone, all those days of lovely talking, of a smooth ocean, until it can literally all disappear within the space of a week. Then the games begin – who will contact who, and when, and how – it’s all rather pathetic isn’t it, but depressingly easy to fall into such a trap.

I think I’ve written down ‘women are obnoxious’, but that could quite easily be part of my Latin classes. I was probably referring to Miranda being gutted when she found out that Steve had found another girl so soon. She made her bed, and she needs to lie in it. Alone. Sexless. Wearing flannel chequered pyjamas. Miranda wonders if she’s ‘tragic’ because she’s a successful career woman, and thirty-four and single. She’s half wrong. She’s not tragic for those things – no-one should feel embarrassed at making a success of their lives, though nor should they needlessly boast about it. No, Miranda is tragic because she ticks too many bad female stereotypes. Obnoxious? Sure. Sour? Sure. Laugh less eyes? Sure. Dungarees? Sure. I suppose that’s what you get when you get a lesbian to play a ginger. Terror.

Aidan offers to ’strip Carries’ floors’, and I’m unsure whether that’s a euphemism or not. Samantha’s actions in this episode leave no room for a double entendres though, as she’s with someone who has ‘funky tasting spunk’, almost asparagus like. I was going to make a David Seaman gag here, cos ‘Seaman’ sounds like ’semen’ but all I can think about is an amusing paragraph about David Seaman I read in a very entertaining sports related blog written by a modern day philosopher. I think it’s available by clicking here. The only clicks in Charlotte’s life though, was the click of a ring box being opened as she became engaged to a man who lets women dictate to him what to do with his life. I can’t believe I watch this mess sometimes, I really can’t.

Nor could I really take, or understand Carrie jumping into bed with the Big man during a chance meeting at a hotel. Real mature, really morally right for Carrie to do that wasn’t it. I’ve written before on here about how bad a role model she is for women, and this is no different. Yes, everyone makes mistakes, but how is constantly making them and then blaming them on other unmitigated factors going to help anyone? I know it’s only a show, and I know in the show they used to be together, but he’s married for gods sake! I’m no idiot liberal, but some things just aren’t right you know? At least wait until he’s out of the relationship – because if you don’t you’re as bad as him!

How can you be with someone who cheats, and who is cheating on someone with you? If they do it once, they will do it again, and again and again, and really – the character of Carrie is certainly old enough, and ugly enough to know better. If she can’t control what’s occuring between her legs, then perhaps she (and women like this) need to start doing something other than having sex and then discussing it. Sex and the City, more like fucking awful. Dreadful. I’m with Stone Cold Steve Austin – don’t trust anyone.

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